And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
