FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
