Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
