what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
