I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
