If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
