***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
