if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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