in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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