Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
