You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
