is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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