about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
