He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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