She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
