Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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