that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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