Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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