A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
