she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
