He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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