I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
