I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do herpes really smell.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
