sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
