Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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