Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
