Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
