That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
