some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
