So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
