East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
