Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
