good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
