Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you never un-have a 4some
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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