Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
