just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
