what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
