Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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