One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
