Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
