I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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