Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
