This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
