Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
