I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
