Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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