Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
