I CAN MOONWALK!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
