I am spending my child support on dildos
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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