so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
