her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
